Today Is Not The Day…

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Today is not the day! I pick up my laptop, stare at the blank page in front of me, and I see words jumping.. so many of them, I can’t really keep track! I think of the priest who was killed today by the 19 years old boy, and I don’t know whom should I feel bad for? The man who went to heaven, (regardless of who he was, he still was killed today), or the little boy who lived in hell and will remain in there for a while.

I think of change and how it is always good for you. Sometime it scares you, so you try to stay away, you push, you resist, because you don’t want to try new things, you don’t want to get out of your comfort zone, and most importantly you are scared to be rejected. A friend once told me that in life you will be rejected many many times, so make them count! But being rejected is not something you want to accept easily. It is not something we want at all! Rejection and the shame and guilt that follow are unwanted friends, who when they knock on your door, you switch off the lights, and you silence your phone, and you sit in the dark waiting for them to leave, thinking that you’re not home. How do you ever make peace with this awful friendship? That painful feeling of humiliation and distress? I say get a vaccine! Yes ! you know how they do it right, they inject you with a small dose of the same pathogen you are trying to protect yourself from, they might even do it multiple times to get it right. Well I say do the same thing with your fear of rejection! Put yourself in situations where you will get rejected (gently and smoothly), few times and Voila! Will it work? did I try it before? I don’t know, I haven’t and I am just sharing few thoughts in here!

 

I am also thinking of how the year has past and I have really managed not to buy anything I didn’t really need. OK let me explain to you; Last year I made a decision not to buy anything at all (unless I really really needed it), and this comes from an ex-shopaholic, who used to spend most – if not all- of her time checking out shops, malls, outlets, etc. So yes I did it! It has been more than a year and guess what? I feel great! I have never felt so light and so right at the same time.So while staring at the blank page in front of me, I smile, I give myself a high-five, and I promise myself to write a post about just this!

 

I think of the little things that go by unnoticed, yet tracked down by a child, who takes time to see the unseen and read between the lines, and when I say a child, I don’t only mean kids, I also mean those very few people who kept the child within and never grew old! The shadows and how fun they really are, the bread that looks like a pillow, the bird who is king somewhere, the stones that melted and told stories! You see I live with a child, or two, if you count the one I never let go of, even though I am thirty.

 

I think of how good change is for you… Oh wait I did think of that 2 minutes ago, so I go back to staring at the white page and I wait!

 

I think of the mother who carried her two dead children yesterday after a car crash, and my heart sinks! I think of the morons who drive like maniacs and I get upset! I think of the souls who said goodbye to loved ones because someone was having too much fun trying to shift gears and see how far they can go! I think of this sad world and where is it taking us, but I also think of the sun and the bright moon tonight! I think of the stars and the smiles and the laughters. I think of babies cooing somewhere, and women shedding tears of joy meeting their little angel for the first time. I think of  teenagers who passed their final exams and how bright their future seems to be. I think of God and how merciful he is!

 

But mostly…I think today is not the day to blog….. Or maybe it is…What do you think?

 

Ouiam

A Thing Or Two About My Religion…

 

Last night, I could hardly sleep, I couldn’t bring my mind to shut down, as it was racing hundred miles per hour, thinking of what has recently happened in Kuwait, Tunisia and France! (See details here) I couldn’t determine the feelings I had, but mainly a mixture of disgust, fear, sadness and lots of anger! And all this cruelty was in the name of religion! A religion that stats its greeting as : “Assalam Alaykum”: A wish for the other to be blessed with peace! A religion where you arent a Muslim, unless you love for your neighbour what you love for yourself! A religion where God instructs us to show mercy to those on earth, so that he has mercy on us! A religion where God orders justice and good conduct! Yet in the name of this peaceful religion, horrifying act are happening! 

When I once heard that unlike what we might all think, religion is not the cause of wars, I couldn’t help but gasp in total disbelieve! And now more than ever, I feel like screaming my lungs out, that this CAN NOT be true! Look around you and see what’s happening and what had happened in the world! The civil war in Ireland, the civil war in Sudan, wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the crusades, the Lebanese civil war, the french war of religions… And the list goes on! People die because they were born into Roman Orthodox families, Sunnis, Shiite, jewish or even atheist families! It breaks my heart that my son, will live in a world where people kill each other because of what they believe in (or don’t believe in)! Thinking of all this, made me want to teach my son to never tell anyone what his religion is (or his parents)! To never talk with other people about what they believe in, to never mention faith! To be a silent believer! Alas I can’t! This is not how I want to raise my son! I need him to be proud of his choices! I want him to learn that he is free to believe whatever he wants! I never want to limit him to what I (or the rest of the world) think is right! 

I was born in a very conservative Muslim family, yet when at the age of ten, I wanted to cover my head –Hijab– my mother was absolutely against it! She told me that I was still a kid, and that I needed to be fully mature, to be able to make such a big decision! And when my brother, came one summer, with the news that he wants to marry a Christian woman, my parents tried to advise him but when they saw that he has made up his mind, they opened their arms wide to receive their new Christian daughter-in-law! This is how I grew up! Muslim yes, but free! Free to be myself! Growing up, we had neighbours who were jewish, but to us they were neighbours, period! They would wish us a Ramadan Kareem and we would congratulate them on their kids’s Bar Mitzvah! How I wish I could go back in time, and raise my son in that loving and peaceful environment, where everyone gets to be free to be Muslim, Christian, Jew, or even Atheist! I am proud to be Muslim, but this is a very private relationship between my God and I! Where I allow no one to come close! And everyone should be given the privilege to do so! Why would/ should anyone care if I am Muslim, Christian, Jewish or Atheist? What does it add or do to anyone else? I believe in doing the right thing and being kind, and I believe there is always a reason for things to happen and that’s more than enough! I pray from the bottom of my heart, for this violence to cease and stability to be restored, so that my kids, your kids, and all the kids in the world, can live in peace and harmony! Please join me in this prayer!! 

Ouiam