The Holiness of Marriage, Truth or Myth?

 

Most women when they come into a marriage, they come in with very high expectation. They feel that life will somehow turn pink because now they are going to live what fairytales make us believe: “Happily ever after”. With all the romantic movies, the chick flicks, the pictures every married couple is bound to post on social media platforms, we form a very different idea of what marriage truly is. Since early days, marriage has been looked at as: “Sacred” and “holly”. In all religions, ending a marriage is -almost- a sin. However, and with all what society forces us to believe, the statistics are showing otherwise. Wherever you go, people are getting divorced. Homes are being destroyed, children are being dragged from one home to another, and life is never the same after that, for every person involved in this dilemma.

 

Marriage if done right is a true source of happiness. It is the feeling that you have someone with you throughout the good and bad. It is knowing that no matter what happens the person with you is going to hold your hand and tell you that it will be OK. Marriage is knowing when to back off and when to move forward, it is knowing your partner and accepting their flaws, it is seeing the worse parts of them yet still love them to no end. It is mainly communication, communication and communication. It is a daily struggle to make sure you both are on the same page. It is a work in progress, just like we all are. The person you were when you met your partner is not the person you are today, you have changed and so did your partner, and so while this continuous changing and evolving is happening, your marriage is also moving forward, and it is your responsibility to keep track of things, because if you don’t, with every passing day, a bigger gap will form, and you will end up becoming strangers in your own home.

 

Marriage is a different kind of love, it is a love that is strong, free of doubts, joyful even in the most mundane situations. It is a love that gets tested every single day, and whether it makes it through the day or not, depends on how well are we going to communicate, how open are we with each other and with ourselves.

 

I met my husband almost 10 years ago, we were friends for a while, then together -in a relationship (Yes we were!! Don’t frown!)- then engaged, and finally married 2 years after we met. The people we were 10 years ago have long disappeared, the people holding the torch today are absolutely different people, yet we did it together, we explored who we were and who we could be together. We gave each other space to venture in the craziness of oneself, yet we held each others’ hands through those tough times, when we couldn’t see the hidden truths. We struggled to find a common ground where we both can be whoever we want to be, yet still be the same person we were to each other. We were hopeless together, we cried and laughed together, our hopes got crashed and we watched each other drawn, yet we held on tight, and we were each other’s anchors. We lost babies together and experienced what I would call”Seeing your heart being ripped out of your chest” together, and the love burning inside each one of us got stronger and clearer. Every single morning, I wake up, and pray God to guide us through the day’s challenges and hardships, and show us the way through his light and love. Every single day is a different scenario, and every day has its own drama, yet every single day we both believe and know that we are true to ourselves, we are honest and we are in this together, not because we are married, and marriage is sacred and because we have to be happy and in love, but because we both do want to be together no matter what life has for us.

 

 

No one ever enters a marriage with the intention of getting a divorce, no one! Yet people still do and I wonder why? The first thought that jumps into my mind is how society looks at marriage, and how it is somehow striped of any normality and taken into a whole new level. Starting from how movie makers show married couples, or couples in love who are getting married, and you would think they live in another galaxy. How life is literally “happily ever after” in their worlds. Therefore, every single lady who sees that expects that in her future life and marriage, and there she is, starting her new life already holding the bar so very high. In all the rosiness and the beauty of marriage, life unfortunately creeps in, and just “happens”. Things happen every single day, and every day is a different story. Not necessarily bad all the way, but the stress life puts on a marriage makes it impossible to have rainbows and unicorns dancing in your skies every single day.

 

What also really bothers me about this whole idea of marriage, is the “sacracy” of it. While I agree that marriage is a beautiful bond that attaches two strangers together, hopefully for life; it also attaches their families and makes everyone part of an even bigger family; but the idea that marriage itself is something holly and sacred is a little too strong for me. It puts so much pressure on this whole marriage thing and on us. How can I live normally when I am in this almost surreal, holly, divine, religious thing? Me a humble creature? Someone who is far away from divinity? How about a little bit of reality here? Marriage is simply the union of two completely different people, different ideas, different brains, different opinions, and different characters, who are linked to each other, living together, having kids together, making a family together, facing life’s challenges together, arguing over who will take the trash out, experiencing happy and crappy days together, and so on. It is simply NORMAL, nothing sacred or holy about it. Wait don’t hate me yet…!  To me marriage is something secular, it is something as normal as life can be. It will go through ups and downs and that’s absolutely fine. It will reach low levels and rise up to even higher ones. And even though myself I see God everywhere I go, and I hold my faith closer and closer to my heart each and everyday, yet I still believe that for once we should see marriage for exactly what it is and that’s it.

 

Life already puts way too much pressure on us and on our marriages, leaving us struggling to even breath, there is no need to put even more pressure, just because society wants things this way. From now on look at your marriage as the most normal, common and ordinary thing. Take all the pressure off, and just be, you and your partner. Live life the way it presents itself to you. Forget about what society thinks, or how everyone expects you to smile and giggle all day long with your partner. Forget that you need to show that you are happy and just live, just be! Forget what people will think of you if you don’t see your marriage as holy and just accept the challenges that life will bring your way each and every day. Don’t worry if by society standards you are doing something wrong by not forcing yourself to fake it. Be real for yourself, for your partner and for your family. Articulate your worries, fears, and dislikes. Talk about how crappy some days are, speak up about the bad days and how sometimes all you want to do is leave. Be real, be normal, be you.

 

 

My advice to you dear friend is to live life to the fullest, honor your marriage by being real and true to yourself. Dissipate the idea that married people shouldn’t argue, shouldn’t slam doors, shouldn’t be mad at each other. Respect your partner even in the middle of a war, yet let your emotions come out as freely as can be, without worrying about what your friends, neighbors, or family might think. Respect, Honor, and immerse yourself in the goodness of your marriage by embracing the bad before the good.

 

 

Ouiam

She Did IT, And So Can You!!

 

 

Today’s post is a little different, it is something that I have been planning to do for a while, but life has so many ways of distracting you, I guess….

 

PS: This is NOT  a sponsored post!!!

 

As part of my efforts to support and encourage women who own, operate, and manage their small businesses, I have decided to pick a business each month and introduce the steel woman behind it. This month I have chosen a business that I have personally dealt with. When Adam turned one, it was something that needed to be celebrated! Not only because of the major milestone Adam just achieved, but also because of all what we have accomplished as parents, me and my husband. We felt so proud of all the things we have done the previous year, even though many many times throughout the journey, we were not even sure that we will ever get there. So a big birthday party was called for. Technically I love organising and taking care of all parties we host, but I was already a walking zombie, operating on too much caffeine and very little sleep. My plate was too full to take any more tasks. I came a cross DE PARTY DESIGNS on Facebook (aka google for moms), I contacted Dilu, who has replied promptly, with all the needed details, she also came over to discuss with me how I wanted this party to be like. After explaining to her what I envisaged for my son’s first birthday party,  I just waited anxiously for the final product. The party was a total success, without me going bankrupt, if you are wondering. The fees were very reasonable and totally worth it.


2 years later, I really want to introduce this very motivated, strong and successful woman to every mama reading my blog. To be an example and to also be a reference if you ever need a fabulous party but you have no time or energy to plan it 😉

 

Here is a little chat Dilu and I, had and we would like to share it with you:

Dilu: “I am a mother of 3 beautiful kids who are aged 16, 12 and 9 years. I moved to Bahrain 10 years ago, with my husband’s new job assignment; leaving behind my family and my career which I have been doing for 12 long years. I always believed that family should always stick together, wherever you go or whatever challenges you face in life, so of course I had to follow my husband.

Me: What did you do before Departydesigns?

I used to work in a garment / fabric buying office as a merchandiser and freelance Interior Designer.

How did you start Departydesigns?

After moving to Bahrain I used to work as a freelance Interior Designer, and I started my own page called: D Decor Homes, while writing articles for Interior Design websites like: Look4Design and Amazing Interior Design. With the passion for designing I knew I needed to do something more, something new and not very common in Bahrain. With this idea, I started De Party Designs, and started introducing Candy Table concept, with personalisation, for all the parties, mainly birthday parties, baby showers, bridal showers …etc, going out of the box to create something new every time.

 

 What motivates you to do better every time?

Each and everyday I learn something new from my mistakes, and I want to make it better the next time. The recognition and appreciation towards my work, from people of Bahrain, make me do better and better every time.

 

Was it easy to start a business in Bahrain?

From the beginning I didn’t have any idea of how to start or from where to begin. But as always Bahrain and its people have been amazing to us, and have helped me by providing all the details on how to start up as a home based business, and then make it legalised as another step forward.

 

How do you balance work and family?

I’ve got three amazing independent kids whom have learnt to do most of their work on their own, and always help me to take my work stress out. Also my husband has been immensely helpful in both house-work and my work. He has been the fundamental help, for me to come this far. Even though I am a workaholic, I always make sure we both have plenty of time for our kids, specially towards their education. I also always make sure that I do not go beyond my limits, accepting events due to two reasons, One is : if it interferes with my personal life and my time with my family and kids. Second: I strongly believe whatever I do, I have to do it right and I should not accept many events just for the sake of money. If I can’t have enough time to prepare and deliver something great then there is no way I will commit.

 

What are your plans for the next 5-10 years?

I would love to explore and learn more about different areas and fields of events in Bahrain, as well as in the GCC. At the moment I am looking for more options for expanding my business. At the same time, I love studying about event management in different categories and I will be spending more time on that in the coming years.

 

 What will your advice be for women who would like to start their own business.

I believe if you have a passion for anything you should not hold it back. You need to come out and seek for possibilities of making it work. After living in Bahrain for many years, I have learnt that this is a beautiful country with beautiful people, who are always willing to help and lend you a hand to stand on your own feet. Go out and explore….!!!

 

 

Thank you Dilu for your time and for all the insights and advice!




Facebook: Departydesigns Dpd

Instagram @departydesigns.bh

 

 

 

Ouiam

TKD and All The Things I Didn’t Know!

Disclaimer: This post is strictly for the attention of the beautiful ladies reading my blog, men are not welcomed in here today… Sorry!!

 

 

So I am 30 years old and I just realized that I am a novice in the art of wearing bras. Yup! And I can assure you, that you are too! Unless you pay TKD (aka The Knickers’ Drawer) a visit!

Until I met Louise from TKD yesterday, I never knew that there are actual rules when it came to bras! This very intimate yet very much needed clothing item is not really treated fairly. Although it comes in different sizes like shoes, I feel the sizes are so confusing that I just go for the smallest size and leave the shop as quickly as possible, and I am pretty sure I am not the only one who does that. Forget about the measuring tape, that’s too old-fashioned, now for the perfect fit, try on that bra instead! Gosh you’ll be surprised!

 

Did you know that most of the support you get from your bra is in the back band? So it really needs to fit firmly. Not more than one finger should be able to fit underneath. It might feel tight, but that’s how you get a maximum support.

Did you also know that the color of your bra changes its size? The dye shrinks the fabric, so darker bras are smaller than the light ones! Who knew??!

Now the straps: They need to be secure but not digging into your skin. Think about it this way, they need to lift you but if you remove them the bra should continue to support you.

 

Strapless bras and the common problems: Either they don’t stay up properly, and you should lift them up every 5 minutes, or the sides stick up, and everyone in the room will figure out what kind of bras you’re wearing. Well forget about that! If yours have a thick band, this will give you more support, and if it’s extra firm around the body then it will stay up properly.

 

Oh and did I mention that you are supposed to hand-wash your bras? The washing mashing twists the underwire.

 

 

TKD has a wide range of bras, all sizes, all colors and all shapes. The Panache Sports, was definitely a winner! I literally could leave the store wearing just that! The maternity selection made me wish I knew of this gorgeous place when I was pregnant! Incredibly comfortable, soft and doesn’t make you look like a grandmother!! They also have a fabulous swimwear collection and with summer just around the corner, a visit to TKD is a must!
The prices you say??!! Well the opposite of what you’ll think when you enter this fancy boutique!! They are very reasonable and inviting 😉 

 

The store staff will arrange for a fitting the minute you enter the boutique, and get you the exact size you actually need. You will leave the store feeling like you grew taller few more inches … lol

Thank you Louise and TKD for the great experience!

 

TKD is located in Al Ali mall, First floor, opposite “One Moment Please”

 

Ouiam

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are Women Honey…!

  
“We are women honey..! ”

I heard this phrase the other day, and it couldn’t have been said in a better time; I had just come from meeting an old friend who was telling me about her struggles in life, and how she managed to flip the coin, and get her weaknesses to be her strengths. I then started to think of all the amazing women in my life, whether they were family, friends, or just acquaintances. They were each very unique in their own world! Each have been through a surreal amount of hardships, yet each one had found the strength in her to get up, get going, and move on! And sometimes to even do the whole thing again! 

We are often taken for granted, we are often treated unfairly, we are often heartbroken, but mostly we are often rising above it all! We are daughters who care for their mothers and fathers, we are sisters who help the rest of the siblings in their homework, we are the friends we run to after the first drama we encounter in life, we are the wives who become mothers, and give their whole lives to their families! We love like no other creature in the universe! We love beyond measures, beyond rules and control. We are the first to rise in the morning, and always the last to put their heads on a pillow. We never stop being the daughter, the sister, the friend, even when life strikes us with a whole new world of responsibilities! We wear so many hats, and we feel it is our duty to always excel! 

My grandmother raised three little girls by herself, after she got divorced, in a time when this wasn’t only unacceptable in their society but also almost impossible! Yet she did it! She raised them to be wonderful, charming, well educated, caring, and inspiring women. One of them happens to be my mother! Who herself did have her own share of misery, yet gave life a slap in the face and proved that a woman is no less than a man in anyway! Her sisters did the same too! They all were strong and stubborn, they managed to build themselves and become who they are today! I come from a long line of women warriors, when crisis strike, we put on our big girl pants and deal with it! And that’s how it has always been! 

Should I even talk about giving birth? One of the hardest things anybody can ever do. I almost lost my life giving birth to my son, and I know so many women who were as lucky as I was and got back to their homes and their families, but I also know many who unfortunately weren’t as lucky! No man can ever go through this experience! Yet I don’t think we get enough credit for doing so. Giving birth has always been explained to me as the most natural and common experience in life, yet after I went through this amazing, extraordinary miracle, I realised that there is nothing normal nor common about it. Each woman goes through it differently, yet we all are strong enough to bare it, and to even do it again! God made us this strong because only he knew that being a woman requires a whole lot of strength and power to go through life the way we do!

We are half of the population, but we also make the other half! We give life, we nurture and love, we care and foster! And only we-women- can do so much! 

Today is no woman’s day, and no one day will ever be enough to recognise and appreciate every amazing woman in this life, but I chose to thank all the woman today in this post, and actually it should be a daily reminder, that we are god’s miracle, we are everything and we do everything and we should always appreciate ourselves and every other woman on earth. We should support and lift each other every day, because we are so worth it! We deserve to be loved and cherished! 

I am so thankful for all the women in my life. All of them are so amazingly strong and beautiful in their own ways! They inspire me every single day and I will forever cherish them. 

Ouiam 

Once Upon A Time….

  

Once upon a time, I was 18 and brave! Full of life, carefree, spontaneous, shy and happy! In a car, sitting in the passenger seat, “Belle- from Notre Dame De Paris”  on full volume…. She is driving and we are both singing! My CD…. her car! And the world seemed so magical! When I say magical, I don’t mean to use it as a metaphor! I mean really magical! Nothing else existed! Just me, her and “Notre dame de paris”! Rainy evenings, warm coats and furry hats! Sipping our hot chocolates while discussing why did “Edith Piaf” ever sing “Non Je Ne Regrette Rien- No I regret nothing!” 

She was beautiful, always elegant and fancy! A real Lady…. And boy did I love her! She would tell me to be free, happy and to always stay true to myself. She would tell me to dress like a lady and always keep a smile on, even if my heart was bleeding! She would tell me to keep my head high because I was young and sweet! She would tell me to love….! She would beg me to love! Who is/was she, you wonder? She was my hero! My “what I want to be when I grow up”, she was my aunt! 

You see, most of us have aunts and you would think what’s so special about this one? Let me drag you a little deeper to a story dated a little more than a decade ago….Where a rebellious teenager, stubborn and hot tempered (hypothetically me) refuses to follow, and wants only to lead! Why wouldn’t she? She just embarked in a new chapter of her life! She started college… The first step toward a brilliant future, that she had meticulously planned for every first few hours of the night and until dawn, every single night of the previous three years, while she was busting her butt off studying! 

I was the only girl in a classroom filled with boys. My father thought I was brave as a man… It was a world meant to be for men! So I automatically embraced the notion imposed on me, and thought women were useless and why should I ever take advices from them…. Little did I know! I so wish I could pull my old self’s ears right now and say: “How dare you!” 

I lived with her, and almost effortlessly, she proved me wrong! Women were everything everywhere to everyone! 

Every time I took snacks to her room, a little past midnight, sat in her bed with her. She would put music on … Old French songs: Julio Iglecias, Joe Dassin, Jack brel, Enrico Macias ….She then starts telling me her stories, her adventures, her secretes and her thoughts! We talk freely! Never afraid of being judged! We go back to a million years ago, where we were all the same! Using leaves to cover our insecurities. Worrying only about food and shelter! She smiles… She uses big words …. She smells sweet… And I tell myself: “I wanna be her when I grow up”.

I learnt from these little late night dates what I have never learnt in my whole life! 

A little more than 10 years have passed, sadly I didn’t grow up to be her…. I can never be as light as she was-Even though she was in her fifties when I was only 18, I never felt it! To me she was always young and restless!- But I have these memories that I hold on to and no one can ever take them away! 

Sometimes I forget to smile, I forget to put lipstick on, I forget to put both my hands on the steering wheel, I forget to sing… Then one day I get into my car, put that same CD on- yes, the same one we listened to 10 years ago, it gracefully survived, just like I did. And I take a long drive. I close my eyes- when the traffic lights are red- I take a deep breath and the magic comes back! I sing loud, I smell her sweet scent in the air and miraculously I become 18 again! I hear her again telling me all about: Parole Parole.., La Vie En Rose…., La Femme De Mon Ami..! 

And once I get my satisfying dose of magic, I hold that CD so tight and carefully place it inside its cover, as if it was a precious jewel- and to me it is! I keep it for my next wake up call, for the next time I feel the magic slipping through my fingers like sand, for the next time I no longer smell her sweet scent around me. 
She taught me that life can be sweet and that magic does exist! I wish I told her just that! I wish I told her that she was my muse, and still is! I wish I could tell her how right she was… That Love is everything just as she said it was! 

Now, 10 years later, she is still teaching me life lessons….! To tell the special people in your life that you love them and you deeply care about them, every time they leave seems silly, but what if that was the last time you ever get a chance to do it? Tell them they were right when they are! Tell them you like the colour of their eyes, the way they make french fries, the way they hold the pen, the way they walk..! Tell them the silliest things… Because now you can… Tomorrow you may not be able to…..

Ouiam