Why I Rather Be A Mom On Mars….

  

Having kids, is having your heart go walking outside your body. I remember hearing it when I was pregnant and thinking: “Oh No! I won’t be that kind of moms!” Little did I know, that it would be even worse than what I was warned of! It is as if my heart is separated from my body and walking away! And what is even worse is that it will always be this way, even if he is 10,20,30,…..90years old! So yes I am that kind of moms: I only have eyes for my son. I take hundreds of photos of my kid and I spend every minute of my son’s time with him! Also, there are things -lots of them- that totally set off my spidey sense! And things that simply upset me! And make me wanna live in another planet! Here are few of them:
1- When people offer food to my toddler. I realise how nice of a gesture this is, and that they only do it because they are friendly and generous. However, my son has many food allergies so far, and I can’t just risk having him getting sick because someone has offered him something he never had before! 
2- When people kiss my son on the cheeks (or anywhere on his face). One word: Germs!!!!! I am not a fan of sleepless nights due to sickness, therefore I am totally against people kissing babies/toddlers! 

3- When people ask me why do I put my son to sleep at 7pm! Simply because babies/toddlers need at least 12 hours of sleep at night, for their brain’s development! It is also important for restoring their energy! Not to mention that since I am the only one who takes care of my son most of the time (no babysitter, no nanny, just me and my husband), I need to rest! Ooh yeah and also: My house My rules lol!! 

4- When people ask with an accusing tone of voice, why don’t I use medication when my son is sick and instead completely rely on home remedies! The answer is very simple, there is nothing wrong with using natural remedies to treat any kind of illnesses. They have been used years and years ago, and it has been proven to give more benefits than its over the counter counterparts. 

5- When people ask me why don’t I get some help and hire a babysitter: I never complained first of all, then under no circumstances I would like to miss a minute of my baby’s life! These baby/toddler days are very numbered and will soon finish! So I am taking advantage of each second and minute I still have! Yes it is tiring but I wouldn’t have it any other way!!  

I am sure every Mama has her own fears, likes and dislikes. I am also sure not everyone agrees with me and that’s Okay. However, I am very curious to know the little things that piss you off, as a mother, and what makes you uncomfortable as a parent! Please share! 
Ouiam 

When I Refuse To Be My Parents… 

  
As every late afternoon, Adam and I, go for a walk around the block, in our beautiful neighbourhood. Where we stop every two seconds to check out flowers, tiny ants, and even our shadows. We run, we laugh, and we sweat like hell, in this horrible heat! As we do this I ask myself, few years from now, when Adam is four or five years old, will I let him go for walks just like this one, alone? Or even with his little friends?! And no adults around?The answer seems crystal clear to me : It is a firm NO. Then a second question pops in my mind: “But why? I did it as a child all the time”. Yes I did it, and I had so much fun doing it. I remember being five, in a little yellow dress, in my neighbourhood, in my hometown, playing hide and seek with my neighbourhood friends, with no adult supervision at all. Running, laughing, going around the block, removing my shoes so I could run better, with my messy hair, and my sweaty little body! Staying out there for hours, until it starts getting dark, which meant it was time to go home, I would say goodbye to my friends and off I go home. Yes i was only five. I also did it when I was 6,7,8,9….. And I never stopped! 
Can Adam do it too? No way! In this scary, scary, scary world, what can happen to a little boy or girl, alone? I will leave it to your wild imagination!

It isn’t that my parents didn’t care enough to deprive me from these little joys, or that the world I lived in was safer than this one, and definitely not because I was an exceptionally responsible little girl! Then why? And why can’t I do the same thing with my child?! I know damn well how much fun can a child have outside, however I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with the idea that my son is out there, alone, in the world where we live in now! 

Throughout my childhood, the neighbourhood was the place to play, to meet the other kids and get the party starting! Yet never even once, we were bothered by weird creepy people wanting to harm us in anyway. Were we just lucky? I don’t think so, it can’t be JUST luck! 

Although we were alone, us kids, playing outside, yet I am sure so many eyes were on us, protecting us from any possible harm, and I can name few: ” Said”: The owner of the little shop, few feet away from my house; the four neighbours surrounding my house, with their doors open (just like ours was), they would peek through their doors or windows, and check on us from time to time (one of us was theirs anyways); the old men, sitting in the corner, talking while sipping their tea, knowing exactly who each kid was, and if they saw a new one, they would ask who he was, who was his father and where did he live! With all this, why should/would my parents be worried that I was outside alone, playing?! If I had this crew of security “officers” right next door, I sure won’t be worried neither! Unfortunately I don’t! I don’t even know who my neighbours are!! It makes me sad that my son will never know the joy of being free, alone outside, watching the sun come down, or counting the clouds, or running around barefoot alone! Alone, without me, without his dad, without an adult! Yes of course I will always take him to do all these things but I know it wont be the same! 

Whenever I was out alone, I would sink in my deep thoughts, I would pretend that I was alone in this whole wide world, and I would start thinking of complicated things, way too complicated for my age! Outside I was a young adult! Outside I was THE big girl! And I know that my son can’t have that! 

What happened to the world? Why do we close our doors and not even care to know our neighbours anymore? Why we no longer have “Saids” next door, to be our guardian angels! Why there are no old men sitting in the corner drinking their tea while talking, no phones, no Ipads, nothing! Why don’t we have faith in each other anymore! 

How about you? Would you let your kid go out alone with no adults around? Are you scared of the same things I am scared of? What can we do about it? Just sit and watch while we sacrifice our kids’ most momentous moments? 

Ouiam

Here and Now…!

  
Hello there!! So what have you been up to lately? I know I haven’t wrote in here for what seems like an eternity, but it has been a go-go-go with barely enough time to come up for air! There were also few minor mishaps, like the fact that Adam threw my phone in the water, and it remained there for two hours, since I was too busy to look for it. Add to that the fact that my laptop suddenly decided that it was time for it to shut down forever. So yeah all good lol! 

This past whirlwind though was made up of a lot more. Going to Oman for ten days to spend Eid with the family -Did I mention that it was just me and Adam? Yup!! Baba had to work 😦 – Adam being 18months, active as ever and so ready to learn new things! This also means being everywhere he is not supposed to be, and wanting to spend our whole day out and about. There was also wanting to spend more time with the family which meant not sleeping before midnight and sometimes 2am. And everything in between! 

Even though I was busy, I was -good- busy, you know what I mean? I don’t like wearing busy as a badge, however I liked THIS busy, I really did. And now that I am home and back to my routine, I always have to remind my self to “take a chill pill” lol 

But of course there are these moments, these little freeze frames where time stops and goes slowly, or at least if feels like it anyways; like the day I was putting Adam to sleep, he was in his bed, it was dark, apart from a faint light coming from my phone. Adam saw our shadows in the ceiling and decided he wanted to play some more, he started moving his hands and feet and laughing hysterically! I looked at the watch and it was way past his bedtime, but guess what? Who cares? I joined the party and we started dancing and moving all around the room, while looking at our shadows! And I thought to my self: ” I would have never payed attention to these shadows, if it wasn’t for Adam” it made me happy that we didn’t miss it! It made me happy that my little Adam is actually teaching me how to have fun! My little baby boy is growing up and we are actually having fun together! It is so magical to watch these moments! These moments are the slow, special ones, and I know to take them in, file them away, keep them for later. 

Or when someone hands him something, and he politely replies: “K Youuuuu” it is always a special moment for me, I feel like a PROUD MAMA, it feels like a reward for all the hard work I put out there for the sake of my family! 

I realise that we are at a very special season in our life (every season had been so special so far), Adam being 18months still a baby sometimes, yet all grown up most of the time. When he comes running to me just to give me a kiss and continues his marathon, or when he calls out for me with his soft sweet little voice that melts my heart: Mama Mama Mama!! Him being so independent like a little man! Always ready for the next adventure! 

So yeah it is and it has been a whirlwind sure, just like anyone’s life. We all get busy, we all have our things. But we all have our moments too. We stand in the middle of life going around and around and around and we pause! We take a breath, we close our eyes, we refuse to let anything disturb our magical moments! -not even writing about them- we soak them all in, hopping to remember them as vivid as they seem now! I also realise that life won’t be slowing down anytime soon, nor do I want it to, but I do want to pause every once in a while, grab the little bits and pieces as life goes on just as crazy and quickly as it does! 

Ouiam 

When in Oujda… With Adam! 

  

  
  
  
   
 

   
   

If you ask me what is the best part of my day? I would most probably say my mornings with Adam! They are the coolest, neatest and so much fun, with a little bedhead who is such a chatterbox! But wait a second..! I also love our quiet and cozy nights! I love having Adam against my chest! Feeling his breath in my neck, while i sing for him and he hums, moves left and right, scratches his ear then his nose, hums again, moves a little more till he finds the perfect position! He then hugs me so tight and he starts making the transition to Lala Land! I also love our afternoons together! They are usually so lively, vibrant and so much fun! Oh well my whole day with Adam is so lively, vibrant and so much fun! It just blows my mind everyday, how much fun you can have, with such a tiny little human being! 
Since we came to Morocco, Adam has established his own routine, and i love it! We start our days as usual, at 7:30am. The little cute voice calling from the monitor: “Mamaaa” always makes me smile before i even open my eyes! I am then greeted with the brightest smiles! A big hug and a kiss! We sing our “Good Morning” song! Then we kiss Mr.Teddy and Big Bear and wish them a great day! Then we both move to the bed that was once mine, sometimes we just cuddle, sing and play for an hour, and some other times my little sleepyhead decides to sleep some more, on my chest this time, for another hour! And i just love it! I love having him so close to me! I feel whole again! Somehow whenever he isn’t in my arms, something aches inside of me and it only stops when he is back to where he belongs: my arms! 
We then go downstairs to join my parents for breakfast, we all sit around the table, and talk while eating! Adam loves telling his grandparents his stories! And of course they are delighted to hear them all, even if they still can’t understand each other lol. Our breakfast usually takes forever! But once done, Adam takes his Grandfather’s hand, gets his shoes and points to the door! He is explicitly telling his ” Basidi” (my dad), to take him to the park, where he has been taking him every morning since we came! He took me there when i was Adam’s age, and took every other grandchild he had! And now it feels like i have accomplished a great achievement by giving my dad a son to take to that same park again! And fulfil a family tradition! When they finally come back from the park, Adam is exhausted and by then needs a nap! (I wish I had Adam’s life! Lol), so we go back to the room that was once mine and now Adam completely took over! We read books over and over again! Until Adam thinks that we’ve read enough, we then take Mr.Teddy, Big Bear and Blanky, and move to Adam’s bed, where he would hug them all, sing a little, and fall asleep! 
Once he wakes up from his nap, we have our lunch! We all sit around the table again and we talk again about anything and everything! The weather has been so amazing since we came! The days are so bright and warm! And we all love it! Adam loves his grandmother’s cooking of course!  He’s been enjoying her delicious meals since we came! Needless to say that he has been spoiled and spoiled and spoiled a little more! And it warms my heart to see him being spoiled by his grandparents! My parents! 
Our afternoons are always busy! Adam loves to be outside, and since the weather is so wonderful, we always go out and about! Run errands, visit family members, go for picnics, and long walks! And it is always so much fun to see Adam engage with my family! They play, laugh, sing and dance all together!  
Dinner is always served for Adam at 6pm! While he eats, we sing and clap for him while he laughs, not sure whether he thinks we are weird or he is just amused by what we re doing! I rather think it is the later.
After dinner, it is Bath time! Adam loves being in the water, so our bath time is usually about 30 mins! We then go back to his room! Read our bedtime story, say our prayers and read some Quoran! And i take my little baby in my arms, i sing for him until he sleeps! And by then i already miss him so much and can hardly wait for him to wake up the next morning, so we can do it all over again!! 
Ouiam! 

Because i was not always a Mom….

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Because I was not always a Mom, I know what it is to be the lady in the queue, mumbling under her breath and eyeballing the other lady with a crying toddler. Because I was not always a Mom, I know what it is to be the lady in the restaurant sending angry looks to the mama sitting beside her, whose child is making a mess while eating! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the lady who glances over at the mom ignoring her little one, who is screaming his little heart out calling her, right there in front of her! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the sister/friend/cousin who thinks why on earth would a parent give an Ipad to his/her child! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the flight attendant, who wishes parents with infants never leave their home for a vacation! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the friend who gets frustrated when her new mama-friend cancels their plan at the last minute. I know and I understand. I was there! I vowed that when I become a mother, none of the above would happen. Because I would do things right, I would do things by the book. My child will never throw tantrums at the grocery store, my child will never make a mess in the house, my child will never ……… ( I have an enormous list of NEVERs).

Now, here we are, I am a mother of a one year old little babe, he is still a baby (I refuse to admit that he is actually a toddler now), he still doesn’t get to do much from the list above, however, I see it coming! And I see myself becoming that mom. This does not freak me out, it doesn’t even bother me! I will proudly be that mama! The mama who tries her best to be the best at this crazy parenting thing! Who doesn’t figure it out all the time but she is constantly trying! A mom who stops for a minute, takes a deep breath, and puts back on her smile and her Mickey mouse voice and keeps going with “ yes honey bunny you have to sit down while eating” or “ you are not supposed to scream darling” or “ sweetheart, you need to be gentle with your friends if you want to keep them” or  for the 101 time say “ baby boy, you should not throw your food”. There are no rules, no guidelines of how a mama should be! She should be herself and that’s it! There is a huge propaganda out there, of what “Perfect “is when it comes to motherhood, and I refuse to even acknowledge it! There is no “perfect”! We are all trying, trying, and trying again. When a day is over and we put our heads on a pillow and tell ourselves “we didn’t do too bad today” that is my “Perfect”! When we say “Oh man! What a tough day! But tomorrow will be better” that is my “Perfect”!

So today, when at the grocery store and my little one decides to sing so loud I just smile and let him, i don’t and will never try to stop him, no matter how many angry looks I get, I just “don’t care”! When in the airplane and he wants to be all over the place (as long as he is not touching or bothering the passenger next to me) I will let him. As long as he is safe, responsible and disciplined I will let him! I will always let him explore and be adventurous! I will always let him inquire and satisfy his curiosity.

I was once judgmental and never understood why would anyone bring a crying, completely dependent little human being to the world, but now I do, and I understand how possibly everyone who is “childless” will and should wonder the same thing. I just smile now and nod and secretly (in my head) I tell them just wait a little longer and you will see!

I have to mention though, that as every rule in this world, there is always an exception! I have a couple of wonderful single girlfriends who adore my little baby and are so gentle and patient with him (and me). Who will always choose to meet up somewhere close to my house if not come over to my place because they know how difficult it has become to be out and about. Who will offer to carry him and play with him the whole time, because they enjoy it and not because they have to. Who will not get upset if I cancel a date because something came up, and instead they will ask:  “is there anything I can do?” These beautiful friends of mine are the exception. They will make awesome wonderful little mamas! And Adam and I, we adore them.

So here, I send all the mamas in the world, the biggest hug, and tell them not to worry about the angry looks, the mumbling, or the judgmental comments. You are doing your best and that is all what matters.

Ouiam

Words from an ex Flight Attendant.

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It seems like an eternity, yet it has only been few years since I left a job I started when I was twenty. Being a flight attendant when you are twenty years old, is actually living the dream.  It is spending your Monday in Paris, your Tuesday in Bahrain, your Wednesday in Bangkok, Thursday in Kuala Lumpur and the weekend, by the pool, after having a manicure, a pedicure and a massage done. It is the real meaning of Shop until you drop because you can. It is being among tons of friends who have the same job as you do, the same messy schedule and messiest habits, the same perception of how easy life can be.

I was still a little girl, who hardly knew anything in life, a girl who smiled at strangers and could never remember names of people she worked with. A girl who thought life was all about fancy handbags, shoes, and expensive clothes. A little girl, who simply could be a little girl, in the most selfish ways!

Now I look back and I can barely recognize this girl in the woman I have become, most importantly, in the mother I have become. When Adam was born, last year, in that very moment I held him in my arms, his little face against my chin, I knew something deep inside of me has changed forever. I felt this way when we took him home, when we took him to his first doctor’s appointment, when he first said Mama, and every single day that followed. When I became a mother, it was as if some dark parts fell away. Like if, my mind did some kind of restructuring and came up with a new list of things that really matter. Every morning I wake up with a deep feeling of fulfillment and contentment, knowing that I was given an opportunity to be better, to be my best.

When Adam was about a month, I realized that he would never be a month again; this hit me like a bucket of cold water! I realized that nothing was as important as spending every single second of my life cherishing and loving this baby in my arms. This was my real happiness, my pure joy.

When I am running around after my little baby boy, trying to catch my breath and keep up with him, when I am busy in the kitchen trying to fix a meal and I hear in the background a baby’s laughter and the most caring fathers doing the silliest things to amuse the little one, when I wake up in the morning to some “ daaa” and some “mamaaaa” coming from the monitor beside me.  I just take a second to close my eyes and soak it all in. I am terrefied to miss a moment from this beautiful chapter in our lives, If I could, I would lock them all up in a very safe place, and run to them every time I feel the need to!

I no longer long for designers bags and shoes, I no longer need to go out every night to fancy places, I no longer feel the need to put make up on every time I leave the house, I am no longer eager to please everybody around me, I no longer need a job or a career to feel content, I no longer care about who said what about me, I am no longer the little girl I was once. This is how my life changed since I became a mother; this is how small things never seem to bother me the way they used to; this is how I only focus on the positive and only see the big picture.

I love the little girl I was, and if i were to do it again, I will still be that same little girl.  It was a stage in my life, it was who I once was, and I am proud of it, I would have never reached where I am now if it was not for that little girl.

I have grown much since, became more mature and much wiser, I am who I am now because I am a mother and  motherhood is a badge I proudly wear and will wear forever.

Ouiam