Hey, Let’s Play Together..!

  

Do you remember when the simple phrase : “Hey let’s play together” used to make the bestest of friends? It worked like magic, wherever you went and with any kid you saw and wanted to be friends with! You go to the doctor’s office, you see another kid with his mom, you ask the magical question and …boom!!!! You are all over the place playing and giggling together. At a party, in a train, or at the beach…. It works anywhere! The friendship might never make it beyond that day or those few hours, but you both agreed on the terms and conditions that came with that phrase-We are going to be friends for now, and we are going to make the most of it! We will run, laugh, climb, share our food, and do anything we feel like doing! Then we will say our goodbyes and each one will go home!- Does this sound like the perfect friendship or what?! 

While thinking about this my mind jumps to another way of easily making friends and with pretty much the same simple terms and conditions: Facebook! You send a friendship request, and the potential friend decides whether to accept it or not! If you make it to his friends’ list you then can follow up with his updates: Where he ate? what did he do after he ate? What is in his mind right now? And he does the same. You click on the famous “Thumbs Up” as a way to acknowledge the information he gave, you might comment from time to time, you might send him an emoji on his birthday, you might even spend a good 10minutes checking out his pictures, but the funny thing is …. Wait for it…. If you meet him in person…. He might not even say hello!!! But hey who cares we are “Facebook friends” right? 

The other day, while having a meaningful conversation with a friend, she told me that she has been struggling with understanding the whole idea behind the friendship concept. And I knew exactly what she meant, because not so long ago I was there myself! Questioning the meaning of a true friendship and the definition of a good friend! And it took me a while to come up with an answer and follow it by heart! We make our friends depending on how similar we are, and what we share in common, yet we are and will always be two different beings. We will act differently in different situations, we will think differently and have different opinions of things and we have to accept it and we have to always keep in mind the purpose of our friendship, so in case one of us deviates, we then have the choice to either correct the deviated party, or simply walk away! 

Sadly the magical phrase no longer works here. If I go to someone in a supermarket and say: “Would you play with me?” They would definitely think something is wrong with me lol. And neither can I send a friend request to someone I see at the park and think we would make a great pair of friends! As appealing as it sounds, the real world simply doesn’t work this way! 

Thinking of my own friends, I have to say that they come in categories, such as: 

Childhood friends: most of them are in my hometown and I visit them whenever I go there. Usually all we do is reminisce about the past, and catch up on our current lives. 

Mommy friends: friends with kids the same age as Adam, we always do different activities together to keep the kids busy. The focus is always on the kids, this way we are all happy. 

Work friends: from my previous jobs and we kept in touch throughout the years. 

Friends we socialise with.

Gym friends and a couple of best friends. 

It feels great to have that list always neat, tidy and well organised. And there is nothing wrong with having friends for a specific purpose, because after all we are all adults and we know what we are doing. We all want to have a good time in good company, doing the things we like to do! Because you simply can’t find the same version of yourself in someone else, liking what you like, enjoying what you enjoy, thinking the way you think. It is kind of a game, each friend should complete one part of you. 

One of the things I learnt in 2015 is to give everyone a chance to be a good friend, and then let fate decide of the destiny of this friendship. I also learnt to strike a conversation with anyone, you never know where it will end up! And I have to say I made some great friends in this past year! 

What is friendship to you? And how do you define a good friend? I would love to hear from you…. 

Ouiam 

About friends….

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Few days ago, my little one was down with a flue, so you can imagine the kind of days we were having. I was completely drained, physically and emotionally. Physically because of the sleepless nights and emotionally because I could see what my little baby was going through and I could do nothing to help him! So right in the middle of all this craziness, I received a text message from a very sweet lady, whom I have met few weeks ago, and we instantly clicked (she is a great mama of 2) she was asking about Adam and checking if I needed anything. This one single text message brought tears to my eyes. It felt wonderful to know that there is someone out there, a friend -even if we met not that long ago- who has got my back. This got me to think about the very precious people I have in my life, to whom I am insanely grateful in so many levels.

When you become a mother, relationships in your life change, it is simply impossible to keep the same kind of life you had before, specifically when it comes to friends. You no longer have an hour to spare with them on the phone, you no longer can visit as often as you did, you can no longer follow their news as you once did. You cannot do any of that anymore, you no longer have the time for it, and even if you do, you now have a cascading “to do list “that never ends.

If you are fortunate enough, you will be blessed with some close friends, who you will always be in touch with, whether with text messages or phone calls. Then there are those other friends, who you might not talk to every week or even every month, but there is never weirdness, you pick up right where you left.  Because you both know how hectic life can be however they are always there for you whenever you need them.

Our conception of friendship grows and evolves as we grow, the kind of friendship I had a decade ago (or even 5 years ago), is not what I have now, It is not what I look for now when in the hunt for new friends. My life has changed drastically and with these life changes, my friendships have changed and in turn, became redefined. This was not an easy thing for me to understand, I used to feel guilty that I am no longer a great friend, I used to even feel sad and disconnected from the people I love, luckily, I was changing too, I was slowly yet steadily getting the bigger picture. I accepted that this is my life right now a busy hectic but a happy life; I accepted that as we grow, an infinite amount of things change, within us and with the kind of life we lead.

Quality over quantity, I think this is the secrete to having great friends, in the obvious way: 1 great friend is better than 5 not-so great ones; as well as in the time spent together.

Now at 28 years old, I am happy with the few close friends I have. Real friends, with whom I can be 100% myself. With whom I can be me, the always chatty, the incredibly emotional, the occasionally moody, the mother, the woman and the little girl.  And they can too. We never judge each other, we are all different, we think in different ways, we live our lives in different ways, we love and show our love in different ways, it is not a must to always understand these ways yet we always accept them, we accept each other just the way we are.

Friends are our chosen family, sometimes and at certain occasions, they are our only family. I am blessed to have a small handful of real friends whom I intend to keep around for a very long time.

Ouiam