“We Will Be There”

 

 

“We will be there!” I have never thought deeply about these 4 words, ever before! Until today! Sitting here, watching my son at his swimming class, lost in the background noise: Instructors shouting commends, kids cheering, and of course the echo of an indoor pool. Too lazy to pick up my kindle and read, I start thinking…. You know that thing all moms do, just let their brain wonder, while sitting quietly, enjoying not being pulled, touched, yelled at, or even talked to, without really thinking of anything specific… just thinking… and that’s when it hit me! I have an “I will be there group!”!

You see, I have been planning my son’s FIFTH Birthday party- It is a huge deal for my son -and us, his parents- and I have no idea how did we even get here, so fast! Part of the planning is inviting the chosen ones, who would be spending a couple of hours with Adam, having fun – hopefully-, playing, laughing, and eating cake (which is what birthdays are all about!). This year Adam had a big list of the friends he wanted to invite, and so I obliged. I wrote a message, copied it, pasted it, 25 times, for each friend’s mom, pressed sent… and … waited! I sent the messages and I started staring at my phone. At the huge list of people that I have now, right in front of my eyes, and……. I waited. I saw few “typing” (If you use WhatsApp you will know what I mean, if you don’t then what planet do you live in?).

8 out of 25 people, started writing their reply, just few seconds after I had sent the message, and few seconds later I had a reply : “ WE WILL BE THERE!”

These people didn’t wait to check their schedule, they didn’t wait to check with their hubbies, they didn’t wait to confirm with their families… they just read my invite and said: “We will be there”!

I know this must sound silly and even stupid, but I had tears in my eyes, and as I thought about it more and more, I realized that when these exact 8 special people have texted me to invite us for their kids’ special day, I had replied in few seconds saying those exact same words: “We will be there”!

Even though we don’t see some of those 8 precious people very often, but we all make this tight circle called: “ We will be there”, we know that no matter what “We will be there”. Life can get busy and hectic and we can easily get lost in all the things we all have to do, but knowing that I have a group that will always be there, without taking time to even blink or think makes my heart swell with joy!

I am not saying that the rest of those 25 people aren’t as important. No far from that, they are still showing up, and coming to spend their precious time with me and my family, on my son’s special day. They are showing us love and appreciation and we are so grateful for that.  I get how busy life can be with little ones. Between football practice, swimming classes, art classes, and all kind of activities, mothers (and I am one of them) can’t plan a thing without getting back to their calendars, and checking how and when they are available. I get it, this is life with kids, we can’t do much about it. We, parents, just understand, we know how it is!

This wasn’t my first time inviting people to one of Adam’s birthdays (he had FOUR of them already!), but I guess this is the the time that the meaning of “we will be there” really resonated with me! Such a strong and powerful sentence, that you should consider yourself very lucky if you have ever heard it –or read it!

 

 

Ouiam

 

From My Heart to Yours!

 

I met you almost 8 years ago, in an airport, where we both took the same flight, to the same destination, where you were going to meet my family. You had a big smile on your face, one that only you have: big, bright, and beautiful. You greeted me with a firm, yet very gentle handshake. We started talking about random things: the flight we were about to take, the weather, the airport…etc. As we boarded the flight, our conversation got deeper and deeper. We talked about religion, childhood memories, life, work, and tons of other things, and that’s when I knew that I have made the best decision ever. The whole 12 hours journey we took together passed in the blink of an eye. I felt comfortable and at ease with you. I wanted to tell you all the stories I had and you listened with interest, you asked questions, you wanted to know more, you always do, because you are a true gentleman .

 

The look in your eyes was so soft, loving and just one that makes everyone around you feel happy and special. This look is always there, even now, almost 8 years later. Every time I see you, you still greet me with this exceptionally wonderful look, you also hug me, kiss me on the cheeks, and on the forehead, every single time. This is how we do it: A hug, a kiss on each cheek , one on the forehead, and I just love it so much.

 

Since day one, I felt like I could always rely on you, I felt you were a friend, a father, and great big brother.  I felt that you were my home away from home, and that your heart was one of gold. I knew how lucky I was to be in your life.

 

I was blessed with your presence in the last 8 years, and you have offered me all the love, guidance, and support I needed and wanted. You were there in every up and down I have faced, you offered advice and you loved me no matter what.

 

I always look forward to our late night chitchat sessions, with coffee, nuts, and tons of funny stories from you. You take story telling to a whole new level and boy do we all love you for that!

 

My child sees you as his hero, and it melts my heart every time. He always keeps the best hugs and kisses for you, and only you. He will run to you for a “bear hug” –as you guys call it- every single time he sees you, even if it was the 50th time that day. I am not only blessed because you are in my life, for me and with me in every step of the way, but also because you are there for the person I love more than anything in this world: my son.

 

No I am not talking about my husband, I am talking about his Dad, my father-in-law, and my son’s grandfather. The light of Al-Amri family, the one we always pray God to keep bright and shining forever.

 

This is for you to tell you that the value you add to our lives is unmeasurable, and that the love we have for you is unconditional, sweet and incomparable. May you always stay blessed, healthy and happy.

 

From your daughter in law, with so much love.

 

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Ouiam

 

A Raw and Powerful Kind Of Love.. 

 

The last week was a busy one, a lovely kind of busy though. We had family around and that always makes me so happy.

 

It is amazing that no matter how long we stay abroad we never really get used to living without family. I have been in Bahrain for 10 years and I always crave those moments right after breakfast, with my family, when everyone is holding a cup of tea, not really drinking it because it probably got cold already, but no one can be bothered to heat it up. Talking about the silliest things. Reminiscing about the past, bringing up memories that we once thought dead, almost smelling the aromas of the past and getting lost in the details that we wish were to be back! We make fun of ourselves and each others like no one ever did, we cry and laugh at the same time, we hug and hold hands, we pray and hope together, we venture into red dangerous zones together and we share desserts together!

 

I had exactly that last week, and I prayed it never ends, yet and while I was making that silent prayer, my heart sank and I felt the buried pain from the past 10 years rising in my chest, like a volcano, with the cruelest revelation ever, this will end soon, it always does, we meet, we shine, our hearts expend and our souls rejuvenate, then we say goodbye and parts of our souls get lost with every one of these encounters just to be found again in the next one. Yet weeks later we forget all about it and we get back to our busy schedules and our crazy lives and life goes on.

 

Every time I think about my family, I have the urge to cry, because I only get to visit them once a year, and knowing that I am missing birthdays, graduations, bad and good days, makes me so sad, but this is life and who can argue with it? However, life isn’t that cruel, it rewarded me with a new family the day I got married. My new family embraced me as if I was theirs, and showed me that love can be shown in so many ways, not necessarily the ways I knew of, but bigger and very different ones. It taught me that being away is good because it is a chance to explore the love you have been offered, you get to stretch it and make of it whatever you want. It opened my eyes to the endless possibilities one can show compassion and receive it at the same time.

 

Sometimes we are very stubborn, we only want to be loved the way we need to be loved or the way we want to be loved yet families are different, each one has a unique charm and with it comes a wonderful sense of safety and security even if their love is different, you just have to be wise enough to take whatever you have been offered and just be grateful for it.

 

Family is the one thing that takes you in no matter who you are, they hold your hand in though times and guide you towards a safety zone. They are the force that nurses you back to life in those ugly moments of loneliness and suffering. Yet we don’t always love them the way we are supposed to, we don’t always listen to them the way we need to, we don’t always tell them all the things we should tell them. It is not necessarily a bad thing, we all need room to grow and see clearer and become better versions of ourselves, but sometimes with the change and the growing up, comes a glacial kind of unresponsiveness, and a rigid indifference and stiffness that occupies that soft part of our hearts that cries at every goodbye, and winces at every unpleasant news we hear, and expands at every meeting with our loved ones. I feel we always need a reminder of love, a reminder of the goodness in being surrounded with love, of how lucky we are every time we fall and there is a hand of a mother, a grandmother or a sister that is rushing to help. Those reminders allow us to never forget that the love of a family is bigger, brighter, and stronger than life itself.

 

Ouiam

 

 

 

 

 

2015….. You Have Been Good To Me…!!!!

  
When I try to think of 2015, nothing big really comes to my mind. It was a peaceful quiet year. The best part about it was that it was all about myself and my loved ones! It is so hard to convey the feeling I get when I look around a room full of my family, friends, and loved ones,  all smiling and happy and healthy, all together in one place. I feel blessed and so lucky! I know one of life’s greatest mysteries is that nothing stays the same, but I don’t want to think of that! Now is all what matters! 

2015 surrounded me with wonderful people, that I am so lucky and thankful they are in my life! People who with every passing day add some glitters to my life to make it more joyful. People who lift me up, encourage and support me, and are genuinely happy to see me happy!  People I love, care for and accept just the way they are. 

 

In 2015 I learnt to drop the resistance and fly free in the endless skies! We sometimes fall in the trap of worrying too much about things. We worry about tomorrow, about our plans, and about if our wishes will come true! And in the midst of it all we tend to forget that the universe will work it out!  

The universe only brings what works for you, but if you resist it, and refuse to allow whatever was coming to just be, you lose in so many ways! I learnt to leave my door open, and welcome everything coming my way, with flowers and wide open arms! I learnt to cherish the present, because this is all I have control over. And this is what will make my yesterdays. So when I look back I am certain that I lived every minute of my then “NOW”! 

2015 also taught me to be easy on myself, to treat myself like a little fragile and precious baby. Because I am worth it! Because I need myself to be nurtured and well taken care of so I can do it for others! I learnt to make the habit of waking up about 2 hours before my son, so I can enjoy a good walk, filling my lungs with the cool fresh air, the air that is going to fuel my whole day! I cherish this time I have for myself and it is the highlight of my days!

I made time for me to enjoy the things I love, like cooking, baking, listening to podcasts, reading, writing and studying! Because these activities motivate me and make me happy! And when I am happy I tend to work, and live better! And so does everyone else around me! Because happiness is contagious….

2015 taught me to be mindful! On one of the TedTalks I listen to this year, I heard something that really changed my life! It was something like: ” How many times you found yourself thinking about a million thing while cooking, doing the laundry, working….etc? That’s the reason of our unhappiness!! If you keep your thoughts limited to what you are doing at that specific moment and that only, you will be aware of yourself, of your being, and you will be happy!” 

This hit me like an ice cold bucket of water! I DO THAT! My brain never shuts down! I am constantly thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking…. And it never ends! So I stopped! I pressed the stop button! I enjoy what I do now, even if it wasn’t fun, but I still feel it, touch it, live it! And not allow reckless thoughts to destroy it-whatever that can be. This had brought peace to my soul! It was like doing everything I was doing my whole life, BUT for the first time! And everything around me suddenly tasted better! 

In 2015 I also learnt to simplify my life! My priorities were made and nothing else mattered! I figured out what was important to me and worked according to that. I eliminated all the unwanted bagage that was blocking me. This goes for people too! I surrounded myself with only positive people, who add meaning to my life! No gossip, no jealousy, no hating, nothing of that, just pure, clean, beautiful feelings that brighten my days!

I learnt that the more I do, the more energetic and motivated I become! Giving back to the community as a way to say THANK YOU! Making my loved ones happy by treating them a little more special everytime! Reading more and learning a new skill every day! 

2015 was the year this wonderful space was created! And I am forever grateful! This blog has beautified my life in so many levels! It is my little corner, where I let go of tension, stress, rules and guidelines! My thoughts flow like a river and are transported to these pages to document my life! It makes me happy to write, it makes me happy to think and it makes me happy to share both my writing and my thoughts! 

May be 2015 hasn’t been marked by a big huge event, but these little things I have learnt changed so many things! They pushed me to be a better me! They made me happy! 

…… So Thank you 2015……!! You have been good to me….! 

Ouiam 

What’s On Her Mind: In-Laws…..

  
 Hello my dear friends! And welcome to yet another exciting and beautiful story from another amazing Mama. A very brave one! Who taccled a very sensitive topic today! I leave you with Miss.H’s words of wisdom!! 

In-laws 

When you get married -in our arabic society- it also means that you married the In-laws! A blessing? Yeah sure …. Sometimes! A curse? Probably… When you are under the same roof.

Living with your family in law is absolutely no piece of cake, they can be the kindest and sweetest people, yet at the same time always scrutinising and criticising every move you make. Somehow you need to become the Queen of wonderland! Otherwise you just won’t make it! 

In the first few months, sure you will be shy and blush at every comment; however after five years -24/7- under the same roof, things are not cute anymore, and get a bit ugly for the silliest reasons! It is difficult, but you have to let go, for the sake of a peaceful life. I am not saying that you shouldn’t love them! Once you are married to their son, you need to embrace them, and take them as your own! But you need to have your own routine! You need to be the one in charge of raising your children! You need your privacy with your husband away from intruders!   

 From my personal experience, the more space you keep between you and your in laws, the better it is for everyone! They will respect and love you more. Sometimes I really feel blessed to have them around, especially when I am sick and my husband is traveling. Or when they throw a huge birthday party for my kids, and invite over 300 member of the family just to celebrate it. Yet some other times, I just want to be alone, be lazy in my pyjamas the whole day without even brushing my hair, and I sure deserve to have similar days! 
 

Well i think it is both, a blessing and a curse at the same time. You will just have to balance the feelings, have a positive attitude, and mostly be yourself ….. The loving wife, the caring mother and the sweet daughter in law. My in laws define me as a sweet and sour girl, and they couldn’t say it any better! 

Miss.H

Here and Now…!

  
Hello there!! So what have you been up to lately? I know I haven’t wrote in here for what seems like an eternity, but it has been a go-go-go with barely enough time to come up for air! There were also few minor mishaps, like the fact that Adam threw my phone in the water, and it remained there for two hours, since I was too busy to look for it. Add to that the fact that my laptop suddenly decided that it was time for it to shut down forever. So yeah all good lol! 

This past whirlwind though was made up of a lot more. Going to Oman for ten days to spend Eid with the family -Did I mention that it was just me and Adam? Yup!! Baba had to work 😦 – Adam being 18months, active as ever and so ready to learn new things! This also means being everywhere he is not supposed to be, and wanting to spend our whole day out and about. There was also wanting to spend more time with the family which meant not sleeping before midnight and sometimes 2am. And everything in between! 

Even though I was busy, I was -good- busy, you know what I mean? I don’t like wearing busy as a badge, however I liked THIS busy, I really did. And now that I am home and back to my routine, I always have to remind my self to “take a chill pill” lol 

But of course there are these moments, these little freeze frames where time stops and goes slowly, or at least if feels like it anyways; like the day I was putting Adam to sleep, he was in his bed, it was dark, apart from a faint light coming from my phone. Adam saw our shadows in the ceiling and decided he wanted to play some more, he started moving his hands and feet and laughing hysterically! I looked at the watch and it was way past his bedtime, but guess what? Who cares? I joined the party and we started dancing and moving all around the room, while looking at our shadows! And I thought to my self: ” I would have never payed attention to these shadows, if it wasn’t for Adam” it made me happy that we didn’t miss it! It made me happy that my little Adam is actually teaching me how to have fun! My little baby boy is growing up and we are actually having fun together! It is so magical to watch these moments! These moments are the slow, special ones, and I know to take them in, file them away, keep them for later. 

Or when someone hands him something, and he politely replies: “K Youuuuu” it is always a special moment for me, I feel like a PROUD MAMA, it feels like a reward for all the hard work I put out there for the sake of my family! 

I realise that we are at a very special season in our life (every season had been so special so far), Adam being 18months still a baby sometimes, yet all grown up most of the time. When he comes running to me just to give me a kiss and continues his marathon, or when he calls out for me with his soft sweet little voice that melts my heart: Mama Mama Mama!! Him being so independent like a little man! Always ready for the next adventure! 

So yeah it is and it has been a whirlwind sure, just like anyone’s life. We all get busy, we all have our things. But we all have our moments too. We stand in the middle of life going around and around and around and we pause! We take a breath, we close our eyes, we refuse to let anything disturb our magical moments! -not even writing about them- we soak them all in, hopping to remember them as vivid as they seem now! I also realise that life won’t be slowing down anytime soon, nor do I want it to, but I do want to pause every once in a while, grab the little bits and pieces as life goes on just as crazy and quickly as it does! 

Ouiam 

Leaving Time….

 

So here we are! It’s time to say “Goodbye”, I try to prolong these last few moments as much as i can, eventhough it is now becoming more real and heartbreaking! With my mom, dad, sister, her husband and there three kids. We first hug in the house, then outside right by the door, then after we load the bags in the car! As we shed tears, sob, then say silly jocks and go back to the crying! And one last hug before Adam and i get into the car! I always prefer to ride with only one person to the airport, usually my brother in law. Why? Well, because this way, it hurts less! Because I am an abstainer! I choose to let go of things that I love the most, when I have to, cold turkey style, instead of dragging the pain along with me every minute and every second! 

The ride to the airport is usually a quiet one, where I only say few words to reassure my self that my voice is still there and that the knot in my throat didn’t block it somehow! While my mind races hundred miles an hour, covering every inch of my travel plan, as a way to distract my self. I also start counting the “what if”s: What if I never left home in the first place? What if i still lived here next to my family and friends? What if ..? The answer comes to me, as a shot of adrenaline and a much needed push of courage! Simply, if I did all that, I wouldn’t have met my beloved husband! And I wouldn’t have this Adam! I would probably have another One, but not this “half me half my husband” Adam, and this is more than enough to put that smile back on my face, and brush off any sad or disturbing thought I had! 

See, when you are a woman, you become automatically wired to follow your own family, your husband and kids, wherever they are! You then have the certitude that you will never live in your parents’s house anymore! And you kind of become Okay with it! To me, it even becomes an advantage in marriages, because it brings along a whole new level of love and intimacy with your partner in life! He becomes the father, the mother, the sister, the brother in law, the nieces and the nephew! And it is so neat to have all these feelings wrapped up in one person! When life gets tough and the tough gets tougher, you only turn to that one person and sink in the comfort of their arms and just then you know and feel that you are safe! 

Yet sometimes your brain plays mean tricks on you, it becomes the heartless, cruel monster, that starts wandering in those dark territories, against every wish of yours! And starts coming up with all the dark thoughts, that you try so hard to push to the back of your mind, yet they come back haunting you, just seconds after you foolishly thought you have successfully defeated them! Again: What if? What if something happened to my loved ones? What if my mom..? What if my dad…? I could get lost thinking about this so instead I’ll just stop! 

So yeah! It is leaving time for us! I will be leaving a piece of my heart here, with my family, as I fly to my other home and other family: my husband! Both excited and sad. Confused, scared, happy, and worried! But I keep going, because this is life! Scary, interesting, sad, happy, confusing, inspiring, tough, full of surprises and a thousand more things and another thousand beyond that! 

So until we meet again Oujda, take care of my people and be good to them! 

Ouiam