This Is Why I don’t Use Snapchat!

Few weeks ago, a very good friend of mine and I (along with our husbands) started this crazy conversation, where none of us actually took a clear side… You know… We all finished our sentences with things like: I don’t know, maybe, I am not sure what do you think? It was the most unsure and disoriented discussion I’ve ever had lol. The topic started when she asked me why I am not active on Snapchat, and I decided to answer her with another question –note to self: never answer a question with another question, hahaha!- Why do we post things on social media? I was convinced (and I still kind of am) that sharing things online is a form of being boastful, a thing we do to show off. No matter what we post we are still showing people, who are interested enough to watch, that we are doing something, eating something, buying something, looking at something and we want other people to like it, in other words approve of it (the only way I can think of it!). My friend didn’t completely disagree yet she thinks that we post because we love ourselves because we want to share beautiful things with the world. A beautiful, rosy way to think of it. I, on the other hand, am too morbid in my own head, to share the same opinion, so I had to dig deeper, much much deeper. It took me weeks and weeks of reflection and thinking, to finally get my answer. So, brace yourselves and buckle up…. Here it comes!

 

 

You know how we always hear of the internet as: The Virtual World? How the internet isn’t the real world? Well I would love to start by scrapping those existing thoughts from the picture. Internet IS the real world NOW, it has become so, years ago. We might have not noticed because it was done gradually, but think about it: how many times you have looked someone up on Facebook or Instagram or even Google, to see what are they like, what are they into, what do they like and dislike? How many times you went for an interview and were damn sure that the interviewer will look you up online before they make a decision on whether they will hire you or not? How many times you checked a potential boyfriends’ social media, to know whether this relationship is going to work or not? The time we spend behind our screens is changing our lives, it is changing who we are. The internet has become a mutual approval machine, where we show the best of us, and we wait for people to like it, and we do the same for other people too. In other words, we are changing who we are by only displaying what we feel is good enough to be shared, and these people will make the assumption that we are what we post. Think about it, among the 25 billion things you do in a day, only few of them find their way into your social media, and that has now become more important in defining who you really are, as opposed to all the other things that go by unnoticed in your daily life, again because they are not good enough to be shared and also because we simply can’t post 25billion things a day!! Let’s imagine that on social media there was no option to like or comment on pictures/status or anything we post, how boring will that be? Do you think we will indulge in it as much as we do now? We create this virtual persona that we have some kind of control over, and we try to maintain it. If this doesn’t change who we are, I am not sure what does!

 

How many people we have on Facebook, for example that we are friends with, we like their pages, pictures and status yet when it comes to the real world, we can’t even stand them? We all have at least one of these people in our world, don’t we?

 

I say the reason I dislike the virtual world and I am always very careful with what I post, is because I am scared of losing my true self. It took me more than 27 years to get on the right path and I am not ready to lose all that. This is why I am constantly looking into my feed, my old posts, my old pictures and status to check if they were really me, if they really define who I am, if they weren’t some kind of fake Ouiam, that I want the world to believe that it is the real thing. I still delete old posts because I don’t feel they are truly “ME”, I have to admit that this doesn’t happen that often now,  and that’s simply because I am very conscious every time I hit the “Share/post” button. I guess this is still possible with Facebook and Instagram however, when it comes to Snapchat, because we know that the story will disappear in 24hours, we are automatically encouraged to post anything and everything, which takes away the little control we can still have over it, just like we tend to buy tons of things when they are on sale, not because we really need them but because they are on SALE.

 

I share my story using social media because it has given me-and everyone else using it- a voice. We were voiceless before and could never share thoughts and opinions with everyone else, because it was simply impossible to have that big of a platform in the actual world; However, now we can spill all our thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions all over the social media without limits, we are sometimes judged harshly for it, and again this is because social media gives a voice to voiceless people, so everyone is allowed to participate whichever way they please.

 

This is why I –and again this is my own personal opinion- don’t use Snapchat, it might work for me one day, when I am absolutely sure that I will not lose who I am and confuse it with who I want people to think I am, then maybe I will consider it, but for now I am fine with just the incredible amount of distraction the internet is happily offering!!

 

Ouiam

Hey, Let’s Play Together..!

  

Do you remember when the simple phrase : “Hey let’s play together” used to make the bestest of friends? It worked like magic, wherever you went and with any kid you saw and wanted to be friends with! You go to the doctor’s office, you see another kid with his mom, you ask the magical question and …boom!!!! You are all over the place playing and giggling together. At a party, in a train, or at the beach…. It works anywhere! The friendship might never make it beyond that day or those few hours, but you both agreed on the terms and conditions that came with that phrase-We are going to be friends for now, and we are going to make the most of it! We will run, laugh, climb, share our food, and do anything we feel like doing! Then we will say our goodbyes and each one will go home!- Does this sound like the perfect friendship or what?! 

While thinking about this my mind jumps to another way of easily making friends and with pretty much the same simple terms and conditions: Facebook! You send a friendship request, and the potential friend decides whether to accept it or not! If you make it to his friends’ list you then can follow up with his updates: Where he ate? what did he do after he ate? What is in his mind right now? And he does the same. You click on the famous “Thumbs Up” as a way to acknowledge the information he gave, you might comment from time to time, you might send him an emoji on his birthday, you might even spend a good 10minutes checking out his pictures, but the funny thing is …. Wait for it…. If you meet him in person…. He might not even say hello!!! But hey who cares we are “Facebook friends” right? 

The other day, while having a meaningful conversation with a friend, she told me that she has been struggling with understanding the whole idea behind the friendship concept. And I knew exactly what she meant, because not so long ago I was there myself! Questioning the meaning of a true friendship and the definition of a good friend! And it took me a while to come up with an answer and follow it by heart! We make our friends depending on how similar we are, and what we share in common, yet we are and will always be two different beings. We will act differently in different situations, we will think differently and have different opinions of things and we have to accept it and we have to always keep in mind the purpose of our friendship, so in case one of us deviates, we then have the choice to either correct the deviated party, or simply walk away! 

Sadly the magical phrase no longer works here. If I go to someone in a supermarket and say: “Would you play with me?” They would definitely think something is wrong with me lol. And neither can I send a friend request to someone I see at the park and think we would make a great pair of friends! As appealing as it sounds, the real world simply doesn’t work this way! 

Thinking of my own friends, I have to say that they come in categories, such as: 

Childhood friends: most of them are in my hometown and I visit them whenever I go there. Usually all we do is reminisce about the past, and catch up on our current lives. 

Mommy friends: friends with kids the same age as Adam, we always do different activities together to keep the kids busy. The focus is always on the kids, this way we are all happy. 

Work friends: from my previous jobs and we kept in touch throughout the years. 

Friends we socialise with.

Gym friends and a couple of best friends. 

It feels great to have that list always neat, tidy and well organised. And there is nothing wrong with having friends for a specific purpose, because after all we are all adults and we know what we are doing. We all want to have a good time in good company, doing the things we like to do! Because you simply can’t find the same version of yourself in someone else, liking what you like, enjoying what you enjoy, thinking the way you think. It is kind of a game, each friend should complete one part of you. 

One of the things I learnt in 2015 is to give everyone a chance to be a good friend, and then let fate decide of the destiny of this friendship. I also learnt to strike a conversation with anyone, you never know where it will end up! And I have to say I made some great friends in this past year! 

What is friendship to you? And how do you define a good friend? I would love to hear from you…. 

Ouiam