If you have asked me this question 4 years ago, I would have laughed and said “Why would anyone -sane- expose themselves, so raw and so vulnerable to practically everyone who has internet!” Fast forward, 4 years later, one beautiful son, and tons and tons of growing and evolving, here I am, pouring my heart and soul every single time on blank pages, sharing them with … practically everyone who has internet! Every time I sit in front of my computer, a light sweet wave takes me somewhere I have never been before, and as I write and keep writing, that wave makes me lighter and lighter till I am thin as air. A feeling that I have never experienced before, even though I have been writing and journaling my whole life, yet knowing that someone else- even if it is just one single person- also behind their screen is reading what I have wrote, makes it all so worth it. It means that someone is probably feeling all the feels that I have poured straight from my heart and soul, and even though I might not even know them, we somehow would have connected so deeply and intensely through words from my world to theirs.
What I have never realized up until my son was born, is that writing is the cheapest form of therapy. Whenever life hits me on the face, the first thing I do is pick up my laptop, and strip down all the masks that we all wear in our daily life. The smile we wear even though we are struggling to keep the tears away, the “happy” we force just because we don’t want to burden friends and family with what troubles our minds and hearts, the empty look we wear when you know that everyone will sense the sadness and sorrow inside your soul, and all other sorts of ornaments we keep in boxes for special occasions. I get real, and raw. Whether I end up publishing the post or not that’s up to me, but at least I know that my feelings, my hurt, is no longer just inside my heart; it is somewhere else, either kept safe in my folders or out in the open, and this somehow feels like someone else is sharing those feelings with me, and this makes the burden a little lighter.
Writing is what feeds my soul, it is what keeps me balanced and on top of any mess life can bring to my life.
Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing to write about, I simply put some loud music on, close my eyes and let the magic happen. I can see the words dancing in front of me, I try to catch them one by one, and put them in the right order, because boy sometimes they just flood into my radar and I can’t keep up.
Each and every word has a story, and each story makes its way to my heart and takes a tiny piece of it, till the words are done, my mind is blank again, and words-free, only then I enter some kind of trance, one that leaves you high for hours and hours. A beautiful feeling that I won’t trade for the world.
And so just like that and soon after my son was born, writing has become the most essential and rewarding routine in my life. So yes, I now crave the feeling of being true to myself and sharing it with the whole world. From a pure introvert, a fierce and brave woman has risen, one who is not afraid to share and share and share, and share little more.
So there you go, this is why I have a blog, this why I write, and this why I get behind the screen to write, so you, who is also behind the screen can enjoy 😉