Have you ever felt unloved? Unwanted? Or even invisible? You will be the luckiest if your answer is NO! Kids might feel unloved by their parents, wives at times feel invisible to their husbands, parents at some point, feel unwelcome to their children’s lives. Suddenly we feel like a dark cloud has migrated and declared our hearts its territory! We feel defeated and hopeless! We begin to see ourselves so small and it hurts! No matter who will make us feel this way, whether it is a spouse or a parent or a brother or friend, it will still keep us from sleeping at night, even though we will pretend that we couldn’t care less, to save the tiniest piece of our pride and dignity that remained.
But wait a minute!! What is love? How do we define a person who cares about us? How do you know what the other person feels like, if you have no magical power to enter his heart and steal a glance? One evening, few months ago, and while putting Adam to sleep, I had an epiphany: we don’t all love the same way nor with the same capacity!! It might be old news to you, but realizing that, in that dark room and that silence, where I could almost hear my thoughts. I felt like I had the last piece of the puzzle, and miraculously, everything fell in place for me. People have their very unique ways of loving and showing their love, they might appear very questionable and unusual to us, yet it is still their way of loving us. Just like the way we want to be loved, might seem also questionable and unusual to them. Do you see what I mean here? Some might need space when in a crisis and might feel suffocated with all the attention while others need people around to reassure them and make them feel safe. We might be the kind who shower others with calls and messages when they are in need, or we might be the kind who show their love by keeping our distance. So how do we judge? How can we really say that we feel unloved? Do we have some kind of device to measure this love, and set a minimum and maximum to it? We rather expect the other one to love us on our own terms and conditions, yet we need an unconditional love! (How ironic is that). How is it even possible, unless the person is a mind reader or some kind of magician? it is far from being reasonable right?
It is inexplicable, how our own perception of things can hurt us in the most obvious ways! I have struggled with this my whole life, I always wanted to be loved MY WAY (without even knowing that). And whatever didn’t match “my way” then by definition, wasn’t love. Now I realize how mistaken I was! Some actions done by our loved ones can leave us puzzled, wondering: “How can they do that?” we forget that, that same action might make perfect sense to them; it might even be their way of saying “I love you”! Even if not, and it is exactly as you and me would assume, truly a horrible act of wickedness, do we really know what is going on in that person’s mind? Can we take a second, and think, think deeply, not just brush our brains, dig and dig until we can see clearly! Before we judge our loved ones! Because without a doubt, we would want them to do the same for us! I know I would! I would want to be given the benefit of the doubt! I would want to be forgiven.
This past year was a continuous learning experience for me, but figuring this out, was one of the most valuable lessons, somehow it opened my eyes and helped me see clearer. Now before feeling, unloved, unwanted or even invisible, I stop and think, really think and try very hard to see their way of loving me, even in the darkest parts. And from where i stand now, i can proudly say that it is absolutely worth it!