When So Close To The End…..


When so close to the end, yet a new start comes your way!

Where are you guys right now? Beginning? middle?? or in the process of closing some chapters, and opening some new ones? I always like to step back and really look at where i am! So When i think of myself before and after February 6, 2014, (Adam’s birthday), it is as if i am looking at two different people! Yet the same one! Me! The reason behind that is one moment. One very short and scary moment, when i looked right into my husband’s eyes, and said: “Take care of my son”. When i thought that i wasn’t coming back! (You can read all about it here). For that one minute, which lasted an eternity, i honestly believed that i have reached the end. In that same minute i looked back at my life and wished…! So when i opened my eyes again, and the doctor beside me said:  “you’ve made it!!” The first thing that came to my mind, was that list of things i wished for, few hours earlier! And I vowed that they will no longer be plain ordinary words written in a wish list! I was determined to make them a reality, then a beautiful memory that i will add and cherish for the rest of my life!
Now a little more than a year from Adam’s birthday, and things are still changing drastically in my life, determining who i really am. More importantly, who i really want to be! In every sense of that statement! Slowly after giving birth, i started welcoming the new me. Now, i would say things have changed to the better, but ask me again in ten years and i might have a different answer, i might poke fun at this naive me, for thinking that I have figured it all out! Because YES! We have the gift of always changing and evolving, but right now, i do think i have gone a long way, in a very short time.
The thought that maybe that day was the last day of my life -the end-, made me run my whole life  in a slide show, right before my eyes, and point out at things i wanted to change, things i wanted to do and things i needed in my life. Today i am more confident and i deeply trust my instincts, which i never had the courage to do before. Today i try to focus more on what really matters. Today i am more acceptant of ME, just the way i am, not the way i want people to see me, the bare bones, the real stuff. I am also less judgmental and more open-minded! Today i take a moment every day and close my eyes to be thankful for everything i have as well as things I do not have, because this only helps me develop empathy, and makes me feel for others. I am still not exactly where i want to be nonetheless. I am still working on it, and to make things a little easier on me, i started making monthly lists of small little goals that i wanted to accomplish. This has made the matter so much easier than having some kind of big scary list that just the fact of looking at it will give me a heart attack lol.

So this month, i have decided to share my list with all of you and here it is:

1- Downsize my stress zone to only: my little family and me. I usually stress so much and very often, over big things as well as the littlest ones! So this month I should try to only allow myself to stress about matters related to me and my little family ONLY. Everything else will have to just pass by, while I sit on my sofa and sip my tea! And it will right? Once I manage to do that, we can look into eliminating this stress once and for all 😉

2- Do one new thing that I have never tried before. This one goal is always present in my monthly lists. I am always hungry and eager to try new things, to explore and be more adventurous, and of course, it is more fun when i do all that, with my husband and my little one, as a family!

3- Make a new friend. After Adam was born, i have made some wonderful and thoughtful friends, they added a lot to my life. Therefore, this month i decided to go on the hunt of a new friend! And i am very excited!

4- Call one of my friends or relatives, whom i haven’t been in touch with for a long time. (and i have a feeling this will become part of my monthly goals)

5- Walk some more! Now that we have welcomed the spring, i can hardly wait to take long walks and just enjoy the beautiful weather!

6- Sleep earlier! Although Adam is usually asleep by 7pm, i am always doing something until midnight! And i always prefer to read than to sleep, so that takes another hour or so, which leaves me with about 6 hours of sleep and that is definitely not enough!

These monthly lists have been a great success so far, since big lists always confused me, these small ones, help me to focus on only few goals that I could reach easily and without breaking a sweat! Besides, i can always see and track the small changes almost daily and this always keeps me going.

How about you? Are you happy where you are now? Are you in the middle of a life-changing crisis like me lol? Do you think you have reached an end and trying to get to the next chapter? Please share!


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