Because I was not always a Mom, I know what it is to be the lady in the queue, mumbling under her breath and eyeballing the other lady with a crying toddler. Because I was not always a Mom, I know what it is to be the lady in the restaurant sending angry looks to the mama sitting beside her, whose child is making a mess while eating! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the lady who glances over at the mom ignoring her little one, who is screaming his little heart out calling her, right there in front of her! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the sister/friend/cousin who thinks why on earth would a parent give an Ipad to his/her child! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the flight attendant, who wishes parents with infants never leave their home for a vacation! Because I was not always a mom, I know what it is to be the friend who gets frustrated when her new mama-friend cancels their plan at the last minute. I know and I understand. I was there! I vowed that when I become a mother, none of the above would happen. Because I would do things right, I would do things by the book. My child will never throw tantrums at the grocery store, my child will never make a mess in the house, my child will never ……… ( I have an enormous list of NEVERs).
Now, here we are, I am a mother of a one year old little babe, he is still a baby (I refuse to admit that he is actually a toddler now), he still doesn’t get to do much from the list above, however, I see it coming! And I see myself becoming that mom. This does not freak me out, it doesn’t even bother me! I will proudly be that mama! The mama who tries her best to be the best at this crazy parenting thing! Who doesn’t figure it out all the time but she is constantly trying! A mom who stops for a minute, takes a deep breath, and puts back on her smile and her Mickey mouse voice and keeps going with “ yes honey bunny you have to sit down while eating” or “ you are not supposed to scream darling” or “ sweetheart, you need to be gentle with your friends if you want to keep them” or for the 101 time say “ baby boy, you should not throw your food”. There are no rules, no guidelines of how a mama should be! She should be herself and that’s it! There is a huge propaganda out there, of what “Perfect “is when it comes to motherhood, and I refuse to even acknowledge it! There is no “perfect”! We are all trying, trying, and trying again. When a day is over and we put our heads on a pillow and tell ourselves “we didn’t do too bad today” that is my “Perfect”! When we say “Oh man! What a tough day! But tomorrow will be better” that is my “Perfect”!
So today, when at the grocery store and my little one decides to sing so loud I just smile and let him, i don’t and will never try to stop him, no matter how many angry looks I get, I just “don’t care”! When in the airplane and he wants to be all over the place (as long as he is not touching or bothering the passenger next to me) I will let him. As long as he is safe, responsible and disciplined I will let him! I will always let him explore and be adventurous! I will always let him inquire and satisfy his curiosity.
I was once judgmental and never understood why would anyone bring a crying, completely dependent little human being to the world, but now I do, and I understand how possibly everyone who is “childless” will and should wonder the same thing. I just smile now and nod and secretly (in my head) I tell them just wait a little longer and you will see!
I have to mention though, that as every rule in this world, there is always an exception! I have a couple of wonderful single girlfriends who adore my little baby and are so gentle and patient with him (and me). Who will always choose to meet up somewhere close to my house if not come over to my place because they know how difficult it has become to be out and about. Who will offer to carry him and play with him the whole time, because they enjoy it and not because they have to. Who will not get upset if I cancel a date because something came up, and instead they will ask: “is there anything I can do?” These beautiful friends of mine are the exception. They will make awesome wonderful little mamas! And Adam and I, we adore them.
So here, I send all the mamas in the world, the biggest hug, and tell them not to worry about the angry looks, the mumbling, or the judgmental comments. You are doing your best and that is all what matters.