It seems like an eternity, yet it has only been few years since I left a job I started when I was twenty. Being a flight attendant when you are twenty years old, is actually living the dream. It is spending your Monday in Paris, your Tuesday in Bahrain, your Wednesday in Bangkok, Thursday in Kuala Lumpur and the weekend, by the pool, after having a manicure, a pedicure and a massage done. It is the real meaning of Shop until you drop because you can. It is being among tons of friends who have the same job as you do, the same messy schedule and messiest habits, the same perception of how easy life can be.
I was still a little girl, who hardly knew anything in life, a girl who smiled at strangers and could never remember names of people she worked with. A girl who thought life was all about fancy handbags, shoes, and expensive clothes. A little girl, who simply could be a little girl, in the most selfish ways!
Now I look back and I can barely recognize this girl in the woman I have become, most importantly, in the mother I have become. When Adam was born, last year, in that very moment I held him in my arms, his little face against my chin, I knew something deep inside of me has changed forever. I felt this way when we took him home, when we took him to his first doctor’s appointment, when he first said Mama, and every single day that followed. When I became a mother, it was as if some dark parts fell away. Like if, my mind did some kind of restructuring and came up with a new list of things that really matter. Every morning I wake up with a deep feeling of fulfillment and contentment, knowing that I was given an opportunity to be better, to be my best.
When Adam was about a month, I realized that he would never be a month again; this hit me like a bucket of cold water! I realized that nothing was as important as spending every single second of my life cherishing and loving this baby in my arms. This was my real happiness, my pure joy.
When I am running around after my little baby boy, trying to catch my breath and keep up with him, when I am busy in the kitchen trying to fix a meal and I hear in the background a baby’s laughter and the most caring fathers doing the silliest things to amuse the little one, when I wake up in the morning to some “ daaa” and some “mamaaaa” coming from the monitor beside me. I just take a second to close my eyes and soak it all in. I am terrefied to miss a moment from this beautiful chapter in our lives, If I could, I would lock them all up in a very safe place, and run to them every time I feel the need to!
I no longer long for designers bags and shoes, I no longer need to go out every night to fancy places, I no longer feel the need to put make up on every time I leave the house, I am no longer eager to please everybody around me, I no longer need a job or a career to feel content, I no longer care about who said what about me, I am no longer the little girl I was once. This is how my life changed since I became a mother; this is how small things never seem to bother me the way they used to; this is how I only focus on the positive and only see the big picture.
I love the little girl I was, and if i were to do it again, I will still be that same little girl. It was a stage in my life, it was who I once was, and I am proud of it, I would have never reached where I am now if it was not for that little girl.
I have grown much since, became more mature and much wiser, I am who I am now because I am a mother and motherhood is a badge I proudly wear and will wear forever.